I’ve been a good doggy mom all year. I’ve fed, cleaned and cuddled my dogs on demand, visited the Vet’s office more than my own doctor, spent more on their shampoos and conditioners and xrays and meds than I do for myself, and most of the time they are groomed and fed better than I am. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with a black marker pen on the back of a dog food receipt in the laundry room between cycles of dog bedding, and who knows when I’ll find anymore free time in the near future with two rescues coming, two nebulizer treatments coming up, a half-hour sit in the Bailey chair to monitor and agility trials on the horizon. (threw that in for you Roxie!)
Here are my Christmas wishes:
I’d like a pair of legs that don’t ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don’t hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to put my struggling dog into the tub for a bath, scrub the regurge out of the carpet and load the washing machine for the 4th time today.
If you’re hauling big ticket items this year I’d like nose-print resistant windows, floors that clean themselves, regurge-resistant carpets and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to eat my own snacks without having to share with a pack of barking maniacs.
I could also use a recording of The Dog Whisperer chanting “Don’t pee in the living room” and “Get off of her, she is not in heat” because my voice seems to be just out of my dog’s hearing range and can only be heard by the next door neighbors who are at least an acre away.
If it’s too late to find any of these things, I’d settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or four extra hours in my day so I can time the feedings and the meds and the walks and I would love about 10 extra pounds to distribute among my underweight ME dogs. (Perhaps you could take those pounds from me?)
If you don’t mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. How about a cure for the slimy mucus…..one day without regurge…..an entire holiday season without AP……a good night’s sleep for me AND my pup….I will be grateful for small miracles!
It would be helpful if you could coerce my husband and children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family because after all, this is for MY Dogs!
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and some of my dogs saw my feet under the laundry room door. They think I am eating dinner in here again and they are missing out on leftovers.
Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and look down so that you don’t step into an “accident”.
I would have left cookies, but between the dogs and the cat, there is no chance that anything other than drool will be left on the plate. I left you a Hot Toddy to warm you from the cold, but after a day like this, I drank it myself.